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11/02/2004: "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight"


[Note: Excluding this small message, and the Special 'Election Adendum', this entry contains 1,378 words. 15 of which qualified as curse words. That's only approximatly .01% of the entry, so who ever said I had a dirty fuckin' mouth?]

So yeah, remember that one time where I only got one blog in a single month? How lame was that? Major, I know. I'm going to stick with my standard opening: Shit's been busy. I've been busy with shit. So busy that I haven't blogged in weeks, and my screenplay's come to a virtual stand-still.

It all makes me want to cry.
The other thing that makes me want to cry is that it's November 1st. Tomorrow being November 2nd, one of the most emotive days of my life, regardless of the outcome of the general election. I'll post an adendum to this entry later on today/tomorrow (after the results are in) and we'll call it a month. Not.

A few weeks ago Emily totally gave Sean a condom. And now they like hang out. It reminds me of that one book: "If you give a mouse a muffin" or something, and it inspired me to write the following short story:

If you give a Sean a condom
He's going to want the fuck
And if you give sean the fuck
He's going to want it again
And if you continue this policy of appeasement
You're going to screw yourself (figuratively)
Kinda like what happened with Hitler
In dubya dubya eye eye.
And if Sean continues to get the fuck
He's going to want some babies
And Sean's babies would scare the crap out of me
Kinda like what happened with the Austro-Hungarians
In dubya dubya eye.

[*submits to facets (crappy literary magazine)* Take that, bitches.]

We finally got a new showerthing. (The thing that like holds your soap or whatever?) Our old one was broken, and kept slipping off of the showerhead, making this horendous *thunk* noise and sending sopas and hair products flying about. This is followed by cursing, and it my case, a vicious attack on the showerthing. I just kept hitting it until one day it bent, and never stayed up again. So we got a new one, with suction cups, that doesn't fall down at all. It makes me happy.

The Red Sox won the World Series. And thank god they did. Now we don't have to listen to them bitch about the damned curse for another year. I am happy for them though, because I'm a sucker for the underdog, and I really hate the Yankees. I also don't really even like baseball, but for some reason I was really into it this year.

Kinda like how I don't care for basketball either, but I still get all excited for March Madness. It's the epic vibe that gets me going I suppose.

I was bored at work the other day. Like, REALLY bored. I discovered the stash of office supplies we have hidden in the desk drawer, and made good use of them. At the cleaners we have a counter, which is split in the middle with two metal posts to hang clothes on for customers, and so I don't have to make an ass of myself by trying to jump over the counter (which I'm getting pretty good at).

So what I did was I made a rubber-band chain, and looped it over these two metal posts. Then in the back I took one of the plastic bags we put clothes in, and stapled it over the rod that the clothes get hung in. Then, using our red tape (for flagging stains) I made a big bull's eye on the bag. Going back to the front, I bent paper clips and used the rubber band as a giant slingshot, aiming for the bag with the bull's eye in the back.

I got pretty good at it after a while, and decided to make it more interesting by taping a needle to the end of the paper clip... Not a good idea. Acutally, quite a bad idea. I only tried it three times:

Try #1 Clip got caught on rubber band, went nowhere
Try #2 Richocheted (<---Note the butchering of a french word) off the wall and got planted into our ceiling tiles.
Try #3 Backfired and stabbed me in the hand.

Which is why I should never be allowed by myself, under any conditions, ever.

Here, on my desk, I have my so-called "prizes" from the stag strut. A sweatband, and a foam wristband that says "Go Stags!" Fuck me. I don't play sports, and very infrequently sweat, so the sweatband does nothing for me. And I don't wear those oh-so-fucking-trendy "LIVESTRONG" bracelets that everyone's got, so the "Go Stags!" ripoff is even lamer.

And this isn't even like an RPG where I can sell them for menial sums of money that might go towards more worthwhile endevors like swords or potions or armor. I'm stuck with this crap forever. So this week(s)'s contest is to determine what the best method of destroying them would be:

1. Viking Funneral
2. Throw off of Overpass
3. Give to homeless person (with 3.58$)
4. [Your Idea Here]

I'm open to suggestions, but please everyone vote, because I really hate these stupid pieces of crap.

I'm bleeding out of my neck. Ass.

You know what I miss? Linux. My Linux adventures ended long ago when the piece of shit refused to run my soundcard, rendering my MP3s useless, which makes me cry. But I do miss the functionality of GAIM. For that have had the GAIM experiance, you are truly blessed. But yeah. I miss being a memeber of the open-source nerd club.

SeanEssVee (as I call him) just recently got his internet privillages back. Good for him. I got to thinking though, what would I do without the internet.

For one I'd have to actually get my rants published on paper, meaning I'd have to edit them. And stop cursing. And at that point, they wouldn't be long enough so we might have a bit of a problem. I guess I'd just kind of revert back to what I did pre-highspeed internet: Play a lot of video games.

I've recently returned to my videogame roots via a renewed interest in Final Fantasy VII. It sucks my free time up like George W. Bush sucks up the "Eliteist-Bastard" voting demographic. I also played a lot of Sega, mostly Sonic 3, which I can beat in a mere 3.5 hours, and will pit my skills against any challenger any day of the week in.

Isn't it kind of sad that I hardly remember any other aspect of my life besides video games without the internet? I suppose I read a lot. I read some now too, but not as much as I should. Then again I also dabbled in drawing, which did NOT pan out terribly well, so perhaps it's better to stick with the internet.

I had a request for me to rant on the Sion musical, Bye Bye Birdie. I went to see it because of The Hank, who was totally amazing. Despite him not singing... and it being a... musical. Yeah. Awesome. Have I mentioned that I loathe musicals? I do. Sarah Stites picture-esque portrayal of a jealous jewish mother was one of the saving graces, and my cousin was in it cast as a boy, which I thought was funny. And my next door neighbor was had a musical number.

I REALLY fucking hate musicals.

On saturday I decided that in time for Halloween, I should get back to work on my lightsaber. The one I've been working on for like... 3 years now. I spent 3 hours trying to make a single arcing slopecut in a damn stock bar of aluminum tubing. And it was worth it. With a little paint and some crazy glue, I'm going to have the most bitchin' lightsaber ever. Pictures when it's done, promise.

I also carved our pumpkin, complete with checkmark eyes, themed for the coming general election. And on that note: I don't know what's going to happen tonight. All I know is that I'm freaking out about it. Let's go Team Kedwards! You can do it! Show the republican dirtbags what the Dems are made of!

Help is on the way!

America can do better.

If George W. was a real cowboy
He wouldn't suck so much.

[Election Adendum Goes Is As Follows:]

This was written after my learning of Kerry's concession, at work, during a lull of activity:

"Well, that's that. Gore conceded, Kerry's conceded, I might as well just concede. I feel like shit, and look like hell, and the constant downpour of rain is begining to take on a strange look that seems almost metaphorical.

I'd almost like to call it quits.

But you know I can't do that, and I'm telling you I won't. I refuse to sit by and watch my party win the issues and lose the election. 2000 was depressing. This is infuriating. So, Republican Party: Consider yourselves warned, for you have released a force more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Recently, blogs have become increasingly more important on the political scene. Obviously, this particular blog doesn't qualify, as its primary focus is humor, not politics. What I propose is this:

To you of like and sound mind, join me in creating a new blog. Together, our collective voice will be heard, and we will make one of the most powerful arguments for liberalism that this country has ever seen.

I truly believe that we are fighting the good fight and that we deserve to win. Furthermore, I'll even go so far as to say that I believe we can win.
However, it will not be easy.

We live in a day and age where the term "liberal" is almost too dirty to say. What our mission will be is to change that conception back, and to help people understand what it turly means to be liberal.

Simply put, a liberal vote is a vote for change. It's a mindset that aknowledges the dynamic nature of the world we live in, and merely seeks to adapt the government's policies to work best with those said changes.

That's what it means to be liberal.
That's what we will fight for.
I hope you'll join me in this time of need.

Tom Hogan
November 3rd, 2004"

Basically what I'm looking to do is to set up a second blog, one centered around politics. The format will be a group one, where any member can contribute at any given time, and in addition there would be weekly updates on congressional activity (vote counts, etc.) as well as changes in foreign or domestic policy. It should be noted that I'm quite serious about this, which I know a lot of you might have trouble with.

This new blog isn't going to be the profanity ridden, mindless opinionated rants that you're used to. If we want to make a differance we're going to have to argue based off of fact and pure reason. Like I said, it'll be a change of tone, but I think that's needed if we're to ever have any effectiveness in the long run.

Right now time is the last spare thing I've got lying around, but I am going to try and get this project off the ground because I believe it's very important. It could take a while to get moving, and probably will, but there's a need, and definate supply of writers, and I'm quite positive there's a readership base, so I'm going to do what I can.

Thanks for sticking around kids. Kedwards didn't pull it off like we'd hoped, but the sun will continue to rise, and life will go on, and we'll do what little we can; that much I promise you.

Because cowboys never go down without a fight.


Replies: 11 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygine

.01%: the percentage of peacekeepers the US sends to the UN.

Said [Ethan] on Tuesday, November 2nd

if you give a mouse a condom it will get very confused; it may try to eat it.

Said [sean] on Tuesday, November 2nd

Oh goodness, the electoral votes are at 249 and 211 (B, K, respectively). Damn you, November 2, damn you, keeping this country in a trap of biased sheep who'll vote with whatever the media tells them... Hopefully things will make a miraculous turn, and all will be happy.

My Spanish teacher made our class memorize the players and positions of the World Cup teams. So I could tell you that Cabrera is their shortstop, Damon is their centerfield, and Millar is their first baseman.

This has turned out to be a relatively long comment. But what can I say, blog updates are good news. Cheers!

I was a marionette doll for Halloween. I went for the first time in like 6 years.

Said [Annie] on Wednesday, November 3rd

(Yeah, so I guess they're all kicking soccer balls now...)

Said [Annie] on Wednesday, November 3rd

I remember that lightsaber.
Nice to see that whole video game playing thing died off for you. I still kept it and I only read books I'm assigned to read now.

Said [josh] on Wednesday, November 3rd

First and foremost: this blog entry just brightened my day like a lightbulb.
But on other things - I am with you on the political blog. I'll help you with it if you're serious.
Oh, and I vote for the Viking Funeral bc homeless people have too much worthless crap already and you might get arrested throwing it off an overpass. :)

Said [Alison] on Friday, November 5th

That almost made me feel patriotic...

I'm in for the political blog thing.

I also vote Viking Funeral... cause setting stuff on fire ROCKS!

Said [Lydia] on Friday, November 5th

I'm all over this political blog thing. Count me in.

Said [Kate] on Sunday, November 14th

Tom, Im in on the political blog thing. How bout we actually do it instead of just talking about it? Yes!

Said [paula] on Wednesday, November 17th

it's been up for a while, paula.

this cow got into an onion patch.

Said [sean] on Thursday, November 18th

you're really bad at the updating game, tom.

Said [emily] on Thursday, December 2nd