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03/29/2004: "Last Dinosaur"

Here we are. The first true entry of the new blog. I don't exactly have a ton of stuff to say, but I felt that it was time to get the ball rolling, so here we go.

A few days ago in Scripture class, Mr. Hashman thought we should watch some random exerpt from 'Jesus of Nazareth', his favorite movie ever, second only to The Passion of the Christ ::Rolls Eyes::. Anyway, I was all geared up for this to be lame as hell like everything else we do in that class, but even Jesus of Nazareth had one redeeming value: His Name Is Michael York.

Let's get a few things straight here: Michael York is a freaking god. Most people know him for his minor roll as 'Basil' in the Austin Powers movies, but where you SHOULD know him from is the cult-classic-super-mega-shoulda-won-an-oscar-hit Logan's Run. Upon taking a brief look at his [resume], I came to find there is no feat to great for this man. He has had a stifling One Hundred and Twelve rolls on the silver screen.

And like... all but 5 of them were no-nothing movies that never made much of a spash. It takes gusto to keep going after 107 rolls in crappy movies, so he's at least got that going for him. In addition to that though, he's appeared as Himself in 14 doccumentary/specialty productions and has had 29 noteable television appearances. On top of all that his birthday was a mere 2 days ago, March 27! Next year... mark my words... we're having a Michael-York-A-Thon. A great party for an even greater man.

Wow. That was tangent. Back to relgion class though: Michael York ['Logan' from here on] was in the Jesus movie as John the Baptist. I swear, it was like watching the 'out takes reel' from Logan's Run. He plays the exact same character, with that same scary screamy voice. I love it. The best part was, I had half the class yelling things like 'Renew!' and 'Let's Have Sex!'. It was all topped off when [As John/Logan/Mike went running out of the movie frame] Sean leans over and says to me "Sandmen never run!!"

On a related note, today in scripture we were talking about some more random Jesus crap as usual. So as to drive the point home how totally normal and regular Jesus was, Mr. Hashman describes The Lord [why stop with just one superflusously-capitalized letter... let's call him LORD. with gusto! LORD!] as being an 'Average Jew'. *Click* goes Tom's brain. *Clack* goes the FOX TV Network. *SMASH* goes the next totally rockin' reality TV series. One freaking hot Jewish Princess get's the opportunity to pick from a teeming stock of homely-Semetics.

Can you imagine the spin-offs? The Lawsuits? The innuendo? Ooooh yes... so very very good.

A few days ago I was cleaning out my spam-bin in my Yahoo! Email Account, and of course there were a few precious suprises waiting there for me. The first of which being:

"I ate chocolate and lost 20lbs" -Zora

Lets start with how grossly misleading this subject header is. There is no defining element as to how much time there was between the comsuming of the chocolate and the loss of the weight. In addition, there is no real link between the two at all. She didn't lose weight becuase on account of eating chocolate at some point within her life. It just doesn't make any sense. Now if you want a decent add, this is the way to go:

My MiracleBurn keeps the weight off!

Well fuck yes. Now we're talking. But were I a fat person wanting to diet, or a stupid skinny person wanting to be anorexic, this product just does not bode well with me. MiracleBurn sounds like a hand-held laser you shoot into your side, and the fat just melts off. Coolio! You might say. But you are wrong. Fat-burning-lasers are bad for your skin. And organs the get between the laser and the fat. Foom!

Another thing all you people need to know about: Melinda Loves Pedro II: The Sequel. That doesn't mean much, becuase you haven't read the back story which I'm about to tell you starting right now. The legend tells that late one night Hope, Rachel, Hank, etc. were crusading about Brookside. Stopping for gas at the Philips 66 on Gregory and Warnall, they came across the most peculiar of thngs...

A single subject notebook, drenched in barbaque sauce, sitting in the parking lot of Philips 66. Within it were tomes of information. Well... not so much information but rather the character 'Melinda' professing her undying love for one 'Pedro'. Pages and pages of random lines of text with clippets from Entertainment Weekly and other Misc. Teen Girly Magazines. So it was to be called... The Melinda Loves Pedro Notebook.

Randomly one day we decided to make a second MLP Notebook, but to actually make it a work of art. It's currently in progress, and if anyone feels compelled to make a contribution, please do. When it's completely full we're going to mail it to some random kid in Alaska, just for the hell of it. Because we are punk-to-the-max.

On a more serious note: It has come to my attention that certain parentals have banned certain children from the internet, and their [respective blogs]. Parents: Cencorship of free speech is not at all cool ever since ever. It's bad and hypocritical; you wouldn't want someone banning you from the net, would you?

Kids: Visit the Swad's blog because it's truly amazing.
He's like me, except more productive. And smarter.

Cowboys make frequent use of the first amendment.
It's our fucking right.

Replies: 6 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygine

that was neat...and wow was it funny...
p.s.: i don't get the smilies how do you make them work?

Said [laura] on Monday, March 29th

Tomorrow we need to tally the times Mr. Hashman talk about Passion. He really mentioned it was to much today, and does like everday... It's sad. He's sad.

Said [Lydia] on Monday, March 29th

I clicked on the "name" slot and that which you see above came up. I decided i had to use it, just because I had used it before. Yes, I agree, Mr. Hashman is sad. He was talking with gusto about the crap in the stairwell with Mr. Sailler. Hm. Yeah. But keeping a tally only makes it worse. I tallied Ms. Townsend's snort-laughs, and it made me pity her. Like the T.

Said [someone you may or may not have pissed off in the recent future. if that doenst sum it up for you, im optimus prime. transform, tom, and roll out. (actually its just your friendly nieghborhood hank. all that other stuff was a lie. except the you may or may not have pissed me off part. the world may never know.)] on Monday, March 29th

How many smilies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Give up?

The answer is it doesn't matter because they're all cut up in barrels in my basement...

Said [Radiskull] on Tuesday, March 30th

noooooo. Why why would you take away the smilies. why. Why. WHY.

Said [Lizzzzz] on Tuesday, March 30th

the smilies? hah, smilies are the [___] of the devil.

I'd be very afraid of that notebook if it was drenched in barbaque sauce like that.

Said [Josh] on Wednesday, March 31st