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04/04/2004: "Moonage Daydream"


Once again I'm here to deliver you random thoughts soaked in curse words with a side of sarcasm.

So a few things happened in religion class... again. Of all the places for interesting this to happen, this is where they occur most frequently. How interesting. In any case, on tuesday Rachel returned my 2-Disk Set of Queen's Greatest Hits [From Hollywood Records... I highly recomend]. This also happens to be the day Mr. Hashman decideds to give us typed notes, instead of making us write them, and subsequently we basically got a free period.

Realizing this, I went to my locker to retrieve the myriad of homework assignments that I'd neglected to do the previous night. But while in the locker, I couldn't help but notice the glint of the golden cover of the Queen-Goodness. I grabbed it absent-mindedly, and returned to class.

After a brief exchange of words between Lydia and myself, we decided to con Hashman into letting us listen to Queen. Turned out it didn't take much conning, and he was surpisingly receptive. So we listened to the CD. Appropriatly, the first track is Bohemian Rhapsody. Unless you're name is Ethan, you probably love this song.

Eventually, we 3/4 of the class singing, about half of us were rocking out hard, and there were a select four of us that probably hurt ourselves with the massive amount of headbanging that took place. Soooooo Good! Mr. Hashman let us listen to it the entire hour, and fairly loud too, so I figure maybe I'll give him a second chance [before you become misled, please read the entire blog for clarification].

I drag it with me to Provencher's class, where he makes us listen to 'Under Pressure', but we didn't finish it so he said we could listen to the rest the next day. I make note to be a horse's ass about this until he makes good on this promise. Similarly, we get through the first 45 seconds of Bohemian Rhapsody in Edmonds's class of all places, and I get the same promise, to which I attach the same mental note.

The next day, Provencher made good, but he wanted to listen to Under Pressure over and over, so I put my foot down. We rocked. Off to Edmonds, who also makes good on her promise. I realized that a chance such as this was never going to come along ever again, so 4:08 minutes into the song, [for those without a recording, it's when they kick it ultra-hard] I stood up at the front of the class, and jumped.

I came down out of the air [seconds later, I'm told] while striking a Mighty Air Guitar Chord of Justice. Followed by rocking. When I stopped spazing for a second, I realized everyone was staring at me. It was totally awesome.

So, the perfect end to a perfect day: Reconciliation. I go to catholic school and do not believe in catholicism: Insert generic bitching. Today sucked especially though because Hashman had something mean crammed up his ass and was taking it out on everyone else. It was here that I remembered I was giving him a second chance. Seconds later a little 'Fuck No' popped into my head. ...And the fact that I seriously considered giving him a second chance made me feel better about... not... giving him a second chance.

In chemistry the other day we were introduced to a giant glass bowl with a lid. Let's call it Thing A. Inside of Thing A you place Thing B, which sucks all the moisture out of the air and keeps it dry or whatever. One is called the Dessicant, the other the Desicator. I still do not know which is which...

In any case, doesn't The Desicator totally sound like a pro wrestler's name?!

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! COME SEE THE DESICATOR!!! HE VICIOUSLY SUCKS MOISTURE OUT OF THINGS LIKE NO OTHER PIECE OF LAB EQUIPMENT EVER HAS...


Then I realized that that was going nowhere, so I stopped. Every time I hear/type/read that word though, I can't help but thing of folding chairs, exacto-knives, and SCRIPTED SPORTS...

Every year, the state of Kansas feels compelled to asess it's students. Even those in the private schools that it can't do anything about. Realizing that they can't do shit about the private scores though, they decided to start printing scores in the paper, to like... embaress/motivate us or whatever.

screw that

I'm from Missouri, bitches... So the Kansas Assesment Text became my creative playground. Every page had random and mildly profane song lyrics on it, and even more had senseless quotes taken out of context entirely. I had fun. Just the other day they made us do this more localized one that would be graded in school. I have a feeling I'm going to be getting a letter home for this one... (Questions were whats on the test, Answers are what I actually wrote on the paper)

Question 1: The meat at the grocery store costs blah money. It's sold at 25% off initial price for a sale. Manager tells Deli Man to raise the price 25%. Deli Man just sells it for the inital price. Was he correct in doing so?

Answer 1:
Obviously not. [actual reason why] ...and that's why you do not employ illigial aliens.

Question 2: Some crap about boats and radar...

Answer 2:
[Answer] And by the way... It's like that one scene from "The Hunt for the Red October", you know?

Question 3: Stupid classroom children are collecting stupid cans. We have made a stupid chart about it. Please answer the following stupid questions.

Answer 3: I answered all the damn questions but one. It wanted a 'box and wisker' graph. Shyeah, right. Under that one I wrote: "I have no idea what the hell a 'Box and Whisker' graph is, so instead I'm going to compensate by drawing a cat and a cardboard box. Please enjoy."

I hope I get the paper back, because it was a good drawing. After that I calculated how much they could cash the cans in for in the state of Maine [came out to like 500 bucks] and wrote a little letter to some stupid girl from another question about why she was such a moron for thinking she could win the soda pop contest with only 240 bottles, when there were 1000's entered into the contest.

I can't wait for the trouble this will cause...

Perhaps you remember the previous rant about why Michael York kicks ass. If not, just know that he does. The other day Hashman let us watch the trailer for 'Jesus of Nazereth' where they list all the big names that were in the movie. My ears perk up when I hear 'Michael York' of course, but then 'Peter Ustinov'. PETER USTINOV! OLD MAN! [Logan's run... see it you bastards!] I just thought it was totally weird that both Logan and Old Man were in the Jesus movie together before they were known as Logan and Old Man.

Plus with Logan: I'm reading up on the guy, turns out he was in Romeo & Juliet as Tybalt! The same movie we watched during freshman english! This really excited me for some reason, like maybe Miege has some weird thing for Michael York, which would be totally cool. He has a movie coming out this summer too. Everyone better go see it, Logan's gotta eat, you know?

As you may or may not have noticed, I once more have random refresh banners on the site again. If you miss any of the old ones, or have any requests, it's not as if I've got anything better to do, so lemme know. On the note of site maintinance, I'm going to move .brak//SIGN over here possibly some time this week[end], just depending on when I have the time. Following this will be a definite revamp of that part of the site, which means a meager amount of new material that you perhaps will enjoy.

On a final site-note: If any of you are cruising the archives, which I doubt you are, and you find a broken link, please let me know. This sort of always goes for the entire site, as I'd just like it to have all its links working, but I know for a fact that there are some in the archives, and I'd like to find them. Plus for every busted link you find on the site... I'll give you a piece of chocolate. ReadySetGo!

So after the friday instalment of the Bishop Miege Tournament, [WHICH WE DIDN'T WIN BECAUSE WE DON'T COMPETE AT IT], Lizz and I decided to finally look into 'Flash Gordon' the movie. Before I really get into all of this, it should be noted that Flash Gordon does not equal The Flash. They are totally different. I didn't really catch this until halfway through the movie. Oh well, whatever.

The premise of the movie is that Emporer Ming thinks he owns the universe. He goes around and messes with planets. If the people resist at all, he blows up the planet... which he was going to do anyway so its kinda pointless. Anyway, he's jacking with Earth, and some crazy scientist captures Flash Gordon and his Latest Squeeze and before you know it they're in space captured by Ming.

The best part of the whole movie is the fact that Flash enters the movie wearing a T-Shirt with his name on it. I find this awesome in the context that it's the lamest thing I've ever seen. Anyways, the movie goes on with what fragments of a plot it had left. Flash gets an amazing amount in this moive...
Why I do not know. The Queen-Authored soundtrack really helps, but past that, this movie has very little going for it.

Which is why you must all see it. While it lacks the quote-ability of Logan's Run, it's equally as cheesy, so I highly recomend it for any sort of group-environment-activity, as hilarity will ensue. From now on I'm going to start rating movies on my own special criteria, and this is what I'd say for Flash [Whose middle name better be Allen. Flash Allen Gordon. He'd have the best monogramed shit ever].

Quality [Was it well made]: 2/5
Group Fun [Can large amounts of people watch it and still carry with the story]: 4/5
Single Fun [Is it any good when you're by yourself]: 1/5
Overall-Awesomeness [Would I watch this movie again/ on a regular basis]: 4/5

And so as to put this into perspective, this is how I'd rate the forever-excellent Logan's Run:

Quality: 3/5
Group Fun: 4/5
Single Fun: 3/5
Overall-Awesomeness: 5/5

Thinking of it now... I should start reviewing all the movies I like to watch and put them on .brak//SIGN... 'Best [Type of Movie] Ever' lists would ensue... it would be cool. Look for that when I have some time on my hands.

It should be noted though, that before Lizz and I when back to my house to watch Flash Gordon, we stopped by our favorite night-time-place. Loose Park of course. If you're read of our ventures there, you probably know of the theory we have that it's a Narc Hangout. Before we were kidding. Now we're not. After retrieving the movie, we accidentally walked in on Narc-Fest-2004, I shit you not.

Just as we're pulling up, a huge flame [4-5 feet high] flies up from the grill. Followed by another, and another, and so on. Closer inspection reveals a guy with a can of lighter fluid having himself a good time... Near by their are people playing football... drunken-ly. Loud shitty music can be heard as well. We walk in the opposite direction.

After wandering around in the dark and climing trees and random bantering, we decide to return to the car. Our path takes us dangerously close to the Narcs. We make it to the car alright, but in the 10 seconds that Lizz closed her door and started unlocking mine from inside, the Narc crowd begins to make threatening demands for oral pleasure.

I still don't know if they were asking for it from Lizz... or from me. It was both awkward and mildly frightening, which leads me to my idea: We should totally crusade against the Narcs. If we gather a big enough crowd, we could totally oust them from the park once and for all. West-Side-Story style. Nobody demands anything from the Radiskull... especially not oral pleasure. I'll have my revenge on the Narcs... it's only a matter of time, and effort, and motivation. All of which are a problem for me but whatever!

Insert watching Flash Gordon, then skip forward to the next day at the end of the Miege Tourament on saturday. We were turning off all the lights in the school, when Sean Bucklew [sorry for phonetically spelling your last name...] yells at us to come look at the downstairs math hall in the dark. Wondering about this, Lizz and I creep towards him cautiously, and peek down the hallway.

It was amazing. It was pitch black, except for the exit signs, which cast an eerie red glow on the walls/floor every 30 feet or so. I would liken it to looking at some kind of... Hallway To Hell. Anyway, we go to the end, and remember there's a staircase. Upon further inspection we find the staircase to be dark. As in you can't see your hand in front of your face dark. Lizz and I go in, up the stairs, and realize it's locked.

Running back the way we came, we relay this message to an interested Alisson Kinsky [again, sorry for the last name thing, and probably the first name thing too] and a rather apprehensive April Bauman [think I got that one right]. So what do we do... we drag them along. Down the hell hallway, and into the dark staircase. Note to self: Never go anywhere dark with girls ever. They scream at the slightest provocation. I swear to god I was deaf by the time we got out of that damn place.

I told Ethan that story and he kept claiming we had an orgy.

He's just jealous he wasn't invited.

To the Not-Orgy I mean...

Later on that night we met up with noneother than Ethan himself, and Hank. And it was Hellboy to which we were going. And lo... Hellboy kicked an awesome amount of ass. It was possibly the best comic-book-to-movie port I've seen ever, in the respect that no cheesy moral crap was forced upon me, it didn't rely entirely on action, and it actually stayed true to the inital story line without completely SUCKING. So rock for Hellboy. When it comes out on video, I'll definatly review it.

Fearing another Narc-Encounter, Lizz and I avoided Loose, and rounded out the day at Suicide Hill. The Safe Park. We're meandering around as usual, and we notice these two people. These two very weird people. In matching jumpsuits. They go around the entire park, and then into the middle of it. They looked like they were doing some sort of weird martial-art-umpa-loompa training shit.

And now I don't know what/who to be more scared off, the Narcs, or the Jumpsuit-Twins. But instead of worrying about that, let's argue endlessly about who would win if there was a fight twixt the two. [Please make a note in your comment who you think the victor would be].

There are three great powers in the gallaxy;
The Narcs, the Jumpsuits, and the Cowboys.
    The differance lies in what motivates them...

[Narcotics, Fucked-Up-Ness, and Fun, respectively.]

Replies: 4 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygine

narcs. they're used to seeing weird things, so the jumpsuit twins probably wouldn't upset them much. we're lucky to have the cowboys to protect us from the narcs.

Said [Brigid] on Sunday, April 4th

the cowboys would win.

I bet there's always been narcs in loose, but it's strange to think I never noticed when I was a kid.

Said [josh] on Monday, April 5th

that was entertaining.

Said [41139R4] on Tuesday, April 6th

Damnation, that was long. Possibly the longest post I've ever seen.

1) I can't believe you just ranked Hellboy above, say, X-Men for best Movie Adaptation. I guess it's easy to stay true to a storyline that totally SUCKS about Nazis trying to take over the world using a demon. Lame! Plus, "X-Men" was over an amazingly long span of time, with a huge cast of characters. Even the writers of it have made mistakes in terms of plot cohesion. It's nearly impossible when it's this huge, and has like 2 or 3 running titles at any given time.

2) You spelt it "illigial" - you crazy immigrant.

3) I want to see the drawing of the cat in the box. It's funny, because "box" and "pussy" are both terms for female genitalia. This can not be a coincidence.

Said [Rockford] on Wednesday, April 7th