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01/15/2004 Archived Entry: "Rockaria!"

I reiterate: school is an unhealthy influence on blog.

The best I could manage to scrounge for today was a past adventure, and thats about it. I'll probably tack on some stuff at the end, but we'll see how things play out...

[Imagine the 24 narrator voice:]
The following adventure took place on
January the 10th, between 1:00 PM and 10:45 PM
[End stupid narrator voice]

The day starts off fairly regualr, take a shower, put some clothes on, good stuff like that. Lizz swings by around 1:10 [late... of course] and we're off to Mindy's in quest of the cinematorgraphic [still not sure if that's a real word] anamoly that is Idle Hands (dramatic riff!). May it be noted that on the way there, Lizz almost missed a turn, in fact she just about did. Instead of going ahead another block and backtracking though, she decides we would make the turn regardless. We were going at such a speed, and she made such a sudden turn, she somehow managed to pull off a powerslide. I was horrified and amazed... [A powerslide, for you less educated, is when a car is turned in such a way that the back wheels begin to arch around the forward center of gravity, making a much sharper, cleaner, and faster turn. If that made no sense, just watch any action movie with a car chase, they do it a lot.]

Idle Hands the movie, in a nutshell, was insane. That's the only word for it... The main premise being that this kids hand gets all gross-out posessed and kills a bunch of people, and the rest of the film being about what he does to stop it. It's gory, and full of angst, and really fscking weird. Hence why I enjoyed it emensely. This was followed by a showing of a favorite of mine, Logan's Run. [A must see for every person still breathing]

Then, without any more movies to entertain us, we went to the giant institusion of glorified capitalism: Oak Park Mall. The mecca for all you bastards with money. This trip was rather unevenful except for a certain stealing-of-Tom's-wallet: most definatly not cool. Before leaving, Mindy, noticing the gas gague, says to Lizz "We should get gas." Lizz says we don't need it. Whatever.

The shopping frenzy of fun doesn't stop there though! We move on to Target. But not just regular Target like here in Missouri... over there they call it Super Target. I bitch and moan about this, but it isn't as if it's without reason; the place is gaint. I bet you could fit Miege in there if you tried hard enough...

While at Target we purchased some essential waffle mix because we were craving for some waffle action for some strange reason... [Back to Lizz's house] I've never made waffles before with one of those hinged iron things. As a matter of fact I've never made waffles period. In any case, I was enjoying myself. I took great delight in the ensuing waffle-explosion that happened when Mindy put in to much batter. I also learned that you can get salminela disease from even so much as looking at an egg wrong... [It's true!]

Once the waffles were made, we settled down for a game of blackjack, listening to the rockin tunes of an REM mix Rachel burned me. The game was given an extra degree of entertainment in the fact that we all suck at cards. It reminded me of the one time my cousin Jessica and I played chess, poorly. Our theme for the day was 'retards playing chess'. Because we really were that bad.

So, it'd been a pretty good adventure all in all. Then it comes time to take the Radiskull home. After beating Mindy to the shotgun [again] I noticed that "Hey Lizz, we should get gas." To which she replies "Oh no, it'll be fine." Yeah right, fine for the HALF AN HOUR drive to my house... Whatever. I take her word for it.

We aren't on the road but 10 minutes, and she gives the car some gas going into a turn, and you hear this VRRRRRROOOOooooommmm..... [followed by a rapid decrease in speed]. You guessed it. We were outta fuel. We coast into the nearest gas station, and I have to help Lizz turn the damn car because the power stearing went out, and I am strong and manly, therein making me good at manual labor [pshyeah right. And maybe later monkeys will fly out of my butt.] However, my strong-manly-turning-skills were not enough to overcome Lizz's poor fuel useage, and we rolled to a stop about a foot short of the pump.

So we go in, ask the man if they have a gas canister. They do. We give Joe a little pick-me-up, and Mindy gets him to the pump. We fill the damn car up, I reclaim my shotgun-privillage by force, and once again we're on our merry way. Except I wasn't merry. I was bitterly amused by the situation as a whole.

That was the adventure. It was a pretty good one, even by adventure standards. Yesterday I was reading this one website [http://maddox.xmission.com/]. Part of it is this majorly opinionated guy that humorously bashes everything even bashes his own hate mail. I'm envious because A. I'm not as clever as he is and B. I don't get any real hate mail. I know I'm a certifiable jackass, so where is the hate-mail?! Getting a good deal on my 'neW mortagague' only keeps me entertained for so long... [About as long as it takes to click the 'Empty' button in the Spam folder]

Oh well, if no one wishes to voice their public displeasure with me, so be it. I'll just have to learn to live with it. I came home this afternoon, and I went through my routine.

Say hello to cats. Feed them if they're nice to me
Go upstairs, put backpack on the floor.
Put keys and wallet into my hat of stuff.
Place whatever pair of sunglasses I have on into their appropriate place in the sun-glass-collection.
Hang my coat on its gray plastic hanger.
Change into jeans.
Check my tree. If dry: water.
Return downstairs and watch MSNBC/CNN for about 45 minutes...

As I'm going through this process it dawns on me that I've transformed into Fred Fucking Rodgers. As in Mister Rodger's Neighborhood. I thank that man for every moment of joy in my childhood, and I seriously love him to death... but the fact that my getting home routine resembles his [he changes his sweater, puts on his slippers, feeds his fish] is really freaking me out. And yet... I keep doing. Mr. Rodgers had his shit together, that much I am sure of.

Earlier today I was in religion class with my favorite guy... Mr. Hashman. Woooo- NOT. I really don't care for that guy at all, but whatever. His class was interesting. Last nights assignment was to write 5 facts we knew about Jesus. My facts were as follows:

I rail these off all smart-ass like for Mr. Hashman, and Kate Maxwell turns to me and says "I think you missed the point..." in a sarcastic tone. I heart Kate. She made my day.

After discussing the probability of Jesus coming down to other planets to set them straight on the path or whatever [Which I thought would make an excellent sitcom: Jesus In Space] we got to talking about the bible. Mr. Hashman says you can find lots of interesting things in the bible if you really try.

I agree. From the second chapter of Second Kings:

Elisha Is Jeered
From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD . Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria, because he's a fucking prick.

I was amazed to find this... I mean the very story itself is just there to exhibit what a hardass old-testament LORD was. Some kids called this prophet dude bald [which he was], so he had two bears kill 42 of them. This is so getting brought up at some future point in time.

Cowboys update a little after midnight,
because we damn well feel like it.
[Insult us and face the wrath of bears.]

Replies: 3 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygiene

If Jesus was fully human why can't i do the stuff he did? hummm...religion class can suck and its rather boring

Posted by Laura @ 01/15/2004 06:11 PM CST

i am the female incarnate of jesus.

Posted by rachel @ 01/15/2004 03:45 PM CST

I insult your school crippled blog, and threaten you with the wrath of a bear.

Jesus was a man. He was a God-man. Or maybe just, God. But He was still: JESUUUUUUUS!!

Posted by sean @ 01/15/2004 07:00 AM CST