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01/31/2005: "Specialist"


Alright, some postage.
And I don't mean like the kind you mail.
ba-dum-BLAM ('splodes from the lameness).

I'm sick of winter. The first eight snow storms were awesome. Now I'm just sick of risking my cold butt every other day on the crap-riffic roads. I used to enjoy the snow though. [Zero° Kelvin Cline]. Photo gallery and link to antarctica blues so you can watch it again and marvel and its lack of quality.

The other day though we had nice weather, and I was amazed at how my entire attitude changed. I was bright, I was almost chipper. I wanted to run and frolic in a grassy field. Or perhaps I wanted to frolic in a grassy noll. And by frolic I mean kill a president.

On that very same day something novel happened at the dry cleaners. Some girl stopped by and asked if we were hiring. I said no, but

*ALERT! CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE!*

A. that I'd pay her 20 dollars to wash my car.
B. she could work on me all night long.
C. I'd give her the application to fill out and give it to management anyway.

You choose A:
She stamps off mad.

You choose C:
She takes the ap and leaves.

You choose B:
She maces the shit out of me. I respond by:

A. Going crazy and shooting staples at her.
B. Going crazy and shooting her.
C. Going crazy.

You choose A,B,C:
Cops show up. I go to jail.

*ENOUGH OF THAT CRAP*


Today in german Mr. Provencher just randomly asks me how my lifes going. I say "OK" and he responds by making the observation that I've almost always got something interesting to say. I thought maybe he was fishing for something specific... (eg: I got a root canal, I killed my neighbor, etc.) but I eventually figured he wasn't.

I couldn't disappoint him though, so I thought of something interesting to tell him, that I will now relay to you. You know how it's starting to get lighter in the mornings and in the evenings? I've been waiting for that all damn winter/fall. Why? Because we haven't had a light fixture in our breakfast nook for going on a year now. I've been eating by candle light and/or mostly darkness for the better quarter of a year now. It's gotten to the point where, were I to see my food, I wouldn't recognize it, becuase I haven't seen the food I eat in so long.

I want a light fixture so bad... I'm sick of lighting votive candles just so I have enough light by which to guide the metalic shape into the food shape and take a leap of faith as a shove it towards my face, hoping it will find an appropriate opening. It's quite the adventure, but I want it to end.

...you can thank the Big P for that one.

I thought I killed my VCR the other day, it was kinda sad. I shocked the hell out of myself on it and it surged and went all crazy frozen. I unplugged it, then replugged it, and turned it back on. Nothing. Tears. I loved that VCR. I used to record my Adult Swim shows on it... back when I recorded Adult Swim. Also the fact that the last thing I watched on it was some crappy 3rd rate Anime that Katie From Work let me borrow kinda tainted our final parting.

So I got the upstairs VCR which is considerably crappier and put it in downstairs. My dad, being my dad, checked the busted VCR before throwing it away. It works fine. I hadn't plugged it back in all the way. JOY! Good VCR lives to play another day.

It was funny though. The loss of the VCR reminded me of two things:

one- How many movies we have on VHS. It's a mighty crapload, I can tell you. Good ones too, like To Kill a Mockingbird and Runaway Bride (Julia Roberts + Richard Gere = Feel Good Movie of the next 8 Millenia)

two- How depressing a dying media format is. It's like a relative kicking the bucket or something. One day you wake up and realize it's gone. Not like BETA, or SuperDisk. They were doomed from the start. VHS had a birth, a rise, a golden age, and now we're witnessing its fall.

When everything goes digital, they're going to be able to keep you from recording your favorite shows and programs and sporting events and it's going to suck. For this reason, I advise you keep and maintain at least one good VCR with a few good tapes in case of a need-copy emergency.

Sean wrote a hiku into this poem contest about hybrid cars today:

electricity.
electricity and gas.
together, a car.

I thought it was funny. He submitted it too: [Hybkus].

VCRs are like cowboys.
A little outdated, but dependable.
And always willing to play back your
taped copies of Three's Company

Replies: 5 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygine

B. she could work on me all night long.

she accepts, you get fired for leaving work early.

you choose to:
A. get a new job
B. screw work
C. continue to have her work on you all night long.

you chose C. turns out she wasn't clean. You've got the clap!

game over :)

Said [sean] on Monday, January 31st

Winter over here equals pain. It'll be maybe 56 degrees or something and everyone here faces pures misery. Snow may look pretty, but it hurts. Like a Colombian drug lord. Cheers!

Said [Annie] on Friday, February 4th

fuck

Said [josh] on Sunday, February 6th

fuckin' fuck

Said [Dave] on Wednesday, February 9th

i noted that sean didn't sign the haiku with his name, but as "smarter than you". that's typical sean. i laughed.

Said [---] on Monday, February 21st