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06/08/2004: "Piano Man"


I feel like an ass because I've been promising my presidential campaign for a few weeks now, and I've yet to deliver. Suprise, suprise, Tom is a lazy fuckhead. Let's just say I'm putting it on the back burner, and I'll finish it off as we get closer to November.

Lets roll back the clock now a little ways, back to Memorial Day. Becca Bryon and Katie Fritts's families were both going to be there, and so they called some other people to tag along. I bummed a ride off Lizz, and off we went. So we got to the Plaza, park in the lot attached to Crown Center, and set off through the LINK to get to Union Station where apparently there's all this ruckus.

Some minor problems occured: We took the wrong LINK, so we ended up in the Hyatt, and had to walk like 3 city blocks just to get back to where we were in the first place. We finally arrive across the street from Union Station and a little thought that'd been nagging me in the back of my mind was finally allowed to come forward.

We had not the slightest clue where to find Katie or Becca. I'm also then thinking "Well how bad can it be. I bet not that many-" and about there we rounded the corner, and saw the myriad of people who'd turned out for this event. So, that idea quickly came crashing down. We rebounded though by finding a roof to get onto, and we were going to watch the fireworks from there, but then the other little problem came about.

We're sitting there in the brisk night air, watching some huge storm cloud get all crazy-flashy with lightning, and then there's this explosion. Then another. And another, I'm frantically looking around for the source and not finding it. They're coming quicker, in bigger bursts. Oh god, I'm thinking, this is a terrorist attack, and they're blowing up the Liberty Memorial! Quick! To the BatCave!

Still looking around I noticed a muddled flash out of the corner of my eye. I watched the spot again, as the side of some big building was illuminated. *Blink* Fuck Tom, you are a dolt. Upon examinging the building, with its reflective windows, I realize that the sound was just fireworks, but they were exploding behind the building behind us. We lost in terms of spot-pickage.

So we got off the roof and just sat on the sidewalk and watched, which was cool. What was not cool was trying to get out of the parking garage. There was some fucker in front of us who was letting everyone go. I can see being nice to one or two people, but after the 5th person it just isn't your right to keep the rest of us waiting. On top of that he got tired of waiting and cheated by using the up-ramp to go down. When I am King, violators of parkinglot etiquite will be the second against the wall, right after Nazis.

Speaking of Nazis, I got a letter from one the other day. It came to my email box in the "Blog" folder because it was submitted using an outdated version of the Nazi List. Apparently I forgot to close down the 'submit' page at LandingClouds, and random people have found it and keep submitting things. Two of which were from a 'Nazi Raus' and they went as follows:


Submition 1:
"Fight for somthing moral, fight for the earth, fight for your
friends, fight for your family. WE fight for you so you can go to college
and grow up and have a family, look at everything in this world, were
the light at the end of the tunnel, we only mean good in the end, Moral
superiority. I know im not right on everything, but im intelligent
enough to know what should be the underline basis for humans"


Um... ok. Weird. This guy's grammer is worse than mine, but those things aside, this is still weird as hell. He goes on and on about how they're fighting for what's right, but who are they fighting? The Media? The Government? Disney World (God knows, someone should)? I don't get it. He claims to be smart enough to know what's best for humanity, but when your really think about it, humanity doesn't even know what's best for it.

If humanity knew what was best for it, we'd only watch Cable in the Classroom, Football wouldn't be televised, the Internet would be free, and there'd be no Porn Industry (sad thought, I know). Now, if the Nazis are fighting for those things, whatever, but why do it under the same banner that preached the Genocide of the Jewish People and White Supremecy? It doesn't make a whole fuck of a lot of sense.

Submition 2:
"Sick of your peoples stereotypical bullshit, you think nazis are
bad because movies portray that, WE FUCKING FUCK FOR EVERYTHING MORAL
IN THIS WORLD, we fight for an honest living, were not dying because our
god says that a certain belive we should WE fucking belive that moral,
honest people should be our future, intelligence is what matters, grow
a fucking brain and shut the fuck up with the fucking stupid sterotypes
that were so damn evil, My best friend is jewish, and im a nazi, I
would die for him because he is a hardworking honest moral kid, Hate in
moderation, understand this concept and grow up"


I'm sorry Herr Raus, but you're too entertaining for words. Check out the part in caps. Notice the verb 'fuck', the adverbial phrase 'for everything', and finally the adjective 'moral'. I wanna know how your having sexual intercourse promotes morality. Seriously, if you bastards have that one figured out, share the secret...

Apparently Herr Raus has a Jewish friend that he loves very much because he's a good kid. Neat. That still doesn't change the fact that your doctrine was hijacked by Hitler for the sake of killing your jewish friend's ancestors. And maybe Nazis are stereotyped as millitant fuckers because of *gasp* millitant fuckers like yourself, Herr Raus. Just a thought... ["You Nazi shithead..." -Eddie Izzard]

In the name of promoting the greater good of the Blogging community, I'd like to give a special Brak Blog Salute to Rachel Klem, who has given the oh-so-deserved "Fuck You" to Xanga and switched to Blogger. To celebrate this, we give Rachel the majestic Offical Link of Mondo-Fan-Dom.

I freaked out the other day when I was drying myself off after my shower. (No, not because I was blinded by my own pasty whiteness) On my chest, right where your sternum is, I have a bump. And I don't mean some nasty-gross cancer pocket, it's just a bump. I've felt it before, and I used to just think it was because I was leaning to the side, and that's why it stuck out more, but to no avail. When I stand straight up there's this large bump on the left side (my left) of my sternum. Like a bone mis-growth. Totally weird.

The only reason this bothered me was because I'm all about the symetry, and now I myself and no longer symetrical. How depressing, you know? It's only further evidence that God doesn't like me, and never has.

Speaking of random crap that's wrong with me, I fell asleep on the couch again the other night, and for 3 days I couldn't pivot my head without lightning pains shooting through it. Does that suck or what?

A while ago when Rachel and Hope and some other people and I were hanging out at Crown Center, we were in this crayola cafe place. It's got neon dinosuars swirling around all rave-like. I stomped on one, and Hope took a picture. It looks kinda weird, and can be found at [Hope's Blog].

I walked away midway through this entry to get a drink from downstairs. In a pseudo-stoner moment I stopped and just thought about how weird walking is. Think about it, your entire body weight being pushed down only the minute (comparatively) surface area of your feet. It's a wonder people don't fall down more often than they do. It's even more crazy to look at what some people can do (dancing, martial arts etc.) while overcoming the natural order of falling down.

In these coming weeks I'll begin my war on the world via flyers. I've drafted a trial one that you can take a look at. I welcome any suggestions to layout, content, etc. Once I get it refined I'm going to print off a single high-res copy and then take it to the drugstore and photocopy the hell out of it.

[View The Ad]

Then I'm going down to the Plaza on a friday night and handing them to people. I think that's legal. I hope it is anyway. Then I'm going to leave a few piles at libraries, post a couple onto bullitan boards, put some under the winshield wipers of cars. I'm going to do all of this stuff once. If the masses approve, then everyone's happy. If no one seems to care, so be it, I can then be content with the audience that I have. I just feel obligated to expose the material to as many people as possible. (If anyone's interested in helping, let me know.)

I also have another fun little image laying around that didn't seem to belong anywhere else. [Planned Parenthood]. I still can't decide if that's crossing the line in the "Tom you're one suck fucker" category.

Here on my notepad I have jotted down "RUS/Gone MB". Initially, that was supposed to turn into a few paragraphs of content, but I've not the slightest clue what either of those mean, so lets just take a stab in the dark.

  • RUS could be my new friend from Europe (yes, Europe the country... morons) who is living in my attic and we keep on a steady diet of Keebler Club Crackers and Flat Soda Pop.

  • RUS could also be an allusion to some prophethetic dream I had about the Russians teaming up with the Africans in some crazy plan of world domination where in the end the Icelanders come out as the only victorious party.

  • Gone MB is a new game from Milton Bradley. In Gone you play a young, hip, with-it executive who has the world in the palm of his hand. Game pieces will be a Syringe, a Dime Bag, a Glock, and an un-used Condom. It'd be played like monopoly, except in reverse. You start out with everything, and you have to sell it all for drugs and excessive sex and you get arrested in the end.


Now that I think of it, that game would be funny as hell to watch.
Seriously though, if anyone knows what those mean, please share with me, because I can't remember. Even if you have no clue though, I'm daring anyone to come up with suggestions more outrageous than mine as to what they mean.

One final story, and it's kind of a downer, sorry. Lizz and I discovered a few weeks ago how to get onto the roof of the Crown Center parking garage. It's really high up and gives you a sweet view of downtown, so we went back there the other day because it was nice to just sit up there. We had fun waving to all the people in the elevators until tragedy struck.

Some fucker in a suit comes out and tells us to come around the back (towards the way we got up there). He gives us this little talking to about how we should know better than to have come out to a place with benches (obviously intended for people) and climb a ladder (also obviously intended for people) onto a roof with a bitchin view (should be intended for people), and made us promise never to come back.

As we're walking away he says "See you later then," and I retort: "Actually, I don't think you will," seeing as how we'd just spent the past 5 minutes on how we weren't supposed to be up there. I hope that man falls off his roof that he's hoarding to himself, and I hope whichever one of those elevator dicks that we waved to that ratted us out gets in another elevator.

Then cowboys will find that elevator
and cut the cable in a fit of rage
and justice will have been delivered.

Replies: 5 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygine

thanks for the sha-wing.

Said [rachel] on Tuesday, June 8th

Bwahaha, I found you. Lydius directed me here - geografacts part 1 Thursday, Loose Park, noonish, pavilion thingy, bring food

Said [katie cauthen] on Wednesday, June 9th

hah, next time I'm ghosting around my old hometwon I'm totally getting on there. There's no big buildings around these parts...
Oh, and just to be a scenester of some genre I don't understand I wish to say that I was reading this blog long before it was cool to read it.

Said [josh] on Wednesday, June 9th

dude. i totally have a blog at blogger. i just rarely use it due to lack of traffic.

Said [amy] on Wednesday, June 9th

just kidding

Said [katie again] on Wednesday, June 9th