Well, the Department of Homeland Security had taken it upon themselves to provide the service of Ready.gov. Its supposed to help us in the event of a terrorist attack, but since the American literacy rate is only 79%, I know that some of you have trouble with large words featured on ready.gov, such as 'coordination'. In order to help you, I've translated ready.gov's complicated explinations with simple things... like pictures...

Missouri has hospitols. Actually, I checked a roadmap, and there aren't cities in any of those three places...
Humans are apparently made from microscopic organisms, and they have things called 'digestive' & 'respiratory' systems. Where do the feds get this stuff?!
In the event that a can of biohazardous material is sprayed at you, walk away at a steady pace, and do not look back; just follow the giant arrow.
Before calling anyone, wash your hands. Before washing your hands though, call the Dept. of Homeland Security ask them why the hell you can't find duct tape at the hardware store.
Sherbert flavored chemicals mix together to form super-fun-fun time warp!
Be careful though... sherbert chemicals are bad for your so called 'respiratory' system.
Terrorists are out to kill our fish and cut off our main food source! Stockpile fish! Go now! Before it's to late!
When you mix thinking, dead fish, and biohazard, you get time warp! Electric Slide everybody!
Beware the terrorist disguising themselves as green-huged over-weight german women. They're out to ruin our blue-hued americanistic way of life.
If large objects fall to the left of your workstation, hide underneath your desk. Pray to your respective god that those 3 chunks of drywall don't hit your cheap-ass desk provided to you by the federal government.
<- Back | Next ->