Sunday, August 28th

::The Brak Blog::

Two Headed Boy

Hey kids.

Did school start for you like it started for me?

It's likely.

I was glad to be back for exactly 24 hours. Now I wish I'd run away or won the lottery or something. Or at least done something more worthwhile with my summer. As usual, I accomplished about half of my goals and barely got my homework done. I felt really edgy so I put in Coldplay to relax my nerves. Now I'm just depressed.

The other day at work there was this huge wasp that flew in. As I got the fly swatter though, it retreated to the upper sanctuary of our flouresent lights with a sickening "bzzzzt!" Knowing I'd waste the entire day fearing a sting, I knew I had to act fast. With swatter in hand I started running towards the other end of the cleaners, and with a jump I took a swat at the lights where the wasp was.

Bam. I hit the floor. I look at the swatter and see no carnage of smashed wasp. "Ass," I think as I get up. Then I notice that at the very end of the slotted fly swatter there's a little bug body. Not smashed, just... stuck. I had threaded the swatter with the wasp's stinger. It was quite alive and quite stuck. I was shocked with disbelief for a moment, then not wasting a second, I promptly took it outside and smattered its guts against the side of the building.

Over the summer I was assigned to read Jane Eyre. A riveting tale about this girl who grows up and gets into morally quagmiring situations. I was also playing the first stages of Resident Evil 4 while reading this. I decided that Jane would be much cooler if she fought zombies. As a result I wrote the following short story:

Resident Evil 8

: The Lowood Incident :

Before Racoon City...
Before the Spencer Mansion...
Before Umbrella itself...

The Mother Virus was born.

Opening shots are of a cold, dark, empty Lowood. A hauting THUD is heard with each cut to another location. The camera finally fixes on a small bedroom and with the final thud a zombie stumbles into the room.

It is immediately pelted with small vials of a brownish, this substance. The creature cries out as the onslaught continues. Finally it slumps down dead. The camera pans to Jane as she steps over the body:

"What do you mean you don't care for burnt poridge?"

In the next scene, Jane is holding the swatch of sticks used to punish the children lashed onto a steel rod. She's using it to pulverize the last few zombies when the door across the room opens, revealing Mr. Rochester.

"Jane! You're safe!"
"Mr. Rochester!"

Jane then grabs the rod like a javelin and hurls it across the room at a devastating speed right at Mr. Rochester's face. He barely ducks in time as it impales Miss Miller's undead head right behind him. Rochester runs to Jane.

Miss Miller pulls the rod out of her face and snaps it in half. Rochester draws from his cloak a HUGE shotgun. He squeezes off a round. Miss Miller explodes.

Rochester then pulls from his cloak a small bundle. He unwraps a small sword and hands it to Jane.

"I found this in Brockelhurst's study. It's your Uncle Reed's sword from the Great War. He would have wanted you to have it Jane."

Unsheathing the sword, Jane says "How did you know my uncle?"

"I'll tell you once we're-" (explosion through the far wall)

From the dust arises Mrs. Reed's undead, insectoid, form. Without warning, despite Mr. Rochester's protest, Jane takes the sword and makes a running jump at Reed. Her petticoat billows as she comes coliding into Reed, blade first.

Reed, moving with superhuman speed, catches Jane's sword in her pincers and wrenches it from Jane's hands. Jane falls to the floor and, looking up, finds the point of her sword, now just milimeters from the pupil of her eye.

From the first person view, we see the sword's point fly backwards and quickly plunge forward. A side view shows us as Jane tilts her head ever so slightly and the blade only grazes her cheek and lodges itself in the floor. Reed's hand grasping the sword suddenly explodes as Rochester lands a shot. As she screams in anger, Jane takes the sword and stabs Reed in the throat. The creature makes a gurgling noise as Jane dodges its fall to the floor.

Rochester comes up behind her as she sheaths the sword.

"We'll be safer at Thornfield. Let's go."

The logo "RE:8" fades over the bloody mass of Reed's body as the two exit the room and the frame fades to black.

The cover would look like [this].

So anyway.

I'm really sick of hearing "new music" on the radio. Prime example: The Killers' All These Things That I've Done. Great song. Get's played as "New Music". Last time I checked, songs that are over a year and a half old are not new. Ditto for most "new" Modest Mouse songs. I still kind of hate the radio even though I listen to it all the time.

Not that they're bad songs. They're really quite good. I just don't see why we couldn't hear them a year ago when they came out.

Two days ago I got stopped to go though a Soberiety Checkpoint. I passed with flying colors and all I got was a lousy pamphlet. It was kinda scarry though, two blocks away all the street lights just went out and the traffic signal at 75th and metcalf was out too. Suddenly you're in this lane of orange cones and officer Russel is asking you questions.

Were I drunk, it probably would have been quite effective.

Last night at Kat Kistart's party Katie Fritts and I woped it up in pool. I also played and sang the song who's title is shared with today's entry. My performance of Two Headed Boy was my gift to Kat. I was nervous as hell, and the beginning was shaky, but I felt good after I did it.

Today Blackie came back!

For the longest time my family had been feeding this black cat daily. He just came over for meals all the time so we kept feeding him. We, in our infinite creativity, named him Blackie. Three weeks ago he quite suddenly dissappeared. Last week we just figured that he got hit by a car or they moved away or something. It was really sad.

I was going to write one of my big introspective things about how much it sucks to lose something by suprise and to not know what happened to it. However, Blackie came back today! So instead you got to read my Jane Eyre preview.

I don't know who's the loser there, but I'm just glad to have my damn cat back.

Resident Evil 9 should be about cowboys.
That way there could be zombie-cows.

As was prophesized by Tom at 05:25 PM CST
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