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08/07/2004: "Panama"


Washington D.C. is crazy fuckin' mad. Just in general. And it's really just the little things that make the differance. For instance: here in Kansas City, when you get on an escaltor, you stand on the damn thing until it reaches then top. In DC, people practically sprint up those things. I dunno why everyone's in such a hurry.

And it's not just the pedestrains either. The motorits are worse. You'd better make damn sure you adhere to the WALK/DON'T WALK code of the crosswalk, because they'll fuckin' mow you down. I'm not sure though, between Kansans not knowing how to drive, and Missourians driving way to fast on their shit-riffic roads, this area's probably pretty dangerous in terms of drivers as well.

Their animals over there are also really gutsy. I sometimes get a kick out of throwing my hands up, ala Godzilla, and making growling noises at birds, just so I can watch them get all freaked out and fly/run away. DC birds don't do that. They just kinda give you a look and keep peckin' at the ground. They're so close to you, and so totally don't give a damn, that a few times I pratcially tripped over one. Same with the squirrels. Here if you look at a squirrel wrong, it bolts for it's little tree-nest thing. DC squirrels just kinda sit there. I wanted to pet one, and I could've, thats how close you can get, but I figured that getting bitten by a squirrel would only instigate the terrorist threat.

So I declined.

One of my favorite places we visited was the Supreme Court Building. We didn't go in or anything, and while yes the building was neat-looking, I was enjoying myself for a different reason. I ran up all the steps to the building alone (no one else was there at the time) singing the tune to Rocky. [Dun dunna dun da dun dunna dun, Dum dunna dun da dun dunna dun, da dun dunna dun, bah bum! Danna duh! Danna duh! Danna duh, danna dun dun dunna dum! Danna dan dan dan dan dun dum!] It really was as awesome as you're thinking, I promise.

Another thing that never ceases to amaze me is my familiy's capacity to entertain itself at the most random points in time. My mom and sister arrived back from getting soda pop from the vending machines or something and they were all bitchy about these two girls they'd run into on the elevator. And how they had jacked up the button-pushing process entailed in the riding of the elvator. In any case, we see these girls running around through the window in our room.

The hotel is set up like an arena, each floor is a cirlce-shape with all the rooms looking out on this central atrium thing. We were on floor 5 of 9, so we had a decent view of all the floors. Anyway, we watched these crazy girls running around and being stupid for a while. We gave them the names "Blue Shorted Slut" and "Red Shirted Slut". They were soon joined by two males donned in full Abercrombie & Fuck attire. These two were donned "Fags". (Mind you, I don't use that term as a generic insult, because that is lame, but had you seen these two, you would have understood.) So as the sluts and fags pranced about, I grabbed my camera with the kickass zoom. I was also sitting sideways in this chair that sits in front of the window.

My mom walks in on us as we're spying intently on the Sluts and Fags. She cracks some joke about how it's just like Read Window. Funny thing being, it was. This threw me into a Jimmy Steward impression, and after that the gloves were off. I kept pretending I was in a wheel chair and tried to scoot about the room. It didn't work, so I just put my "broken leg" up, and watched with my camera.

Eventually, the Fags and Sluts were joined by a friend of mine from earlier that day. I'd been standing in line for some breakfast cereal, when she cut me. That would have been one thing, but she was wearing a 'Puma' brand jersey. I instintively yelled "PUMA!" at the top of my lungs, as is the proper means by which to own someone in Puma attire. She turned around and gave me the dirtiest look I think I've ever gotten. Then the bitch took the last of the Furit Loops.

Anyway, she showed up with our previous group of friends, and I got really excited. In all honesty they weren't that interesting, they just kept playing with the elevators and running in circles. We were just exceptionally bored. The story takes another interesting turn though. I, being Jimmy Stewart at the time, decided I should go out to intercept our prey. So I casually limped around until I found them.

They gave me a "why the fuck are you limping around?" look. I simply commented "Bubonic Plauge" and made a grimmacing glance towards my leg. The apparently bought it because they all moved away form me suprisingly fast. Anyway, as I'm fake-limping back to my room, I pass two young sorta-hispanic girls. They became "The Spainards". I get back to the room and return to my post only to find that the Spainards were hunting the same prey we were. It was awesome. We made code signs to eachother, but it stopped when I accidentally flipped them off.

Eventually everyone went to bed, and the Spainards came running towards our room. I yelled for Erin to shut the blinds and kill the lights. We did. The Spainards passed us by, like some figurative angel of death. All was well. Playing Rear Window kicks ass.

Our last night in town, I tried shrimp that was seasoned with the same stuff as Buffalo Wings. Dear god... it was like an orgy in my mouth. Shrimp = good, spicy shrimp = orgasmic. I gotta wonder though, how much would it suck to be a shrimp. You get harvested in mass quanities, they amputate all your limbs, then they rip of your skin and cook you. Or maybe you get cooked first, I don't know. I'm just glad they cut off the heads... that'd be too much for me to take. With the little shrimp mouth, and the little shrimp eyes... Not that I'd feel bad about eating it, it's just a shrimp, but I'd get freaked out that it wasn't really dead and was going to bite me or something.

In the airport, getting ready for the flight back home, my sister demanded that we stop by the Cinnabun, this cinnimon bun place that they only have in airports for some odd reason. They always went there in those Animorphs books I remember, and they weren't in an airport then. Do they even make those books anymore? I sure hope not.

Anyway, the guy gave us the messed up Cinnabun. Except it was messed up like it was too big. This sucker was literally as big as Erin's head. Between the two of us, we ate the entire thing, but my god it wasn't pretty. I only prayed that the Cinnabun wouldn't choose to get it's digestive revenge on the flight home. That'd be awkward.

While we were waiting to get home they needed someone to give up their ticket in exchange for a first class spot on another later flight, and a first class round trip ticket to anywhere the airline flies. I wanted to give mine up. My parents wouldn't let me. When I am king, I will fly places first class for no reason at all. And then I'll live in airports. And change my name to Tom Hanks. and maybe I'll make a movie about it. A move that I never ended up seeing. How depressing.

So anyway, that was my trip to D.C. We also saw monuments and stuff, and the Air and Space museum was fun. I kept yelling "Long Live Mother Russia" at the Soviet rocket models. This is why they can't take me places anymore.

Since I got my job, I can't go to visit the kids at LINC anymore, so they made me cards encouraging me to quit my job and come back. [They Rock Hard]. The cards and the children. Go read the cards, then come back and finish the entry.

I also got a debit card, so now I can order stuff on the Inter-net.
And Ethan and I harassed Kate/Lydia/Madeline at their places of employment yesterday, which was cool.

I went to a John Kerry rally last night, and I brought Sean with me. He bought a "Buck Fush" shirt, which was kickass, and I got a regular "Go Us!" Kerry/Edwards one. There were also some pro-bush fucktards there to support the abortion truck. (Don't ask) On the way out, Sean stole one of their signs and ran away and threw it in a trash bin. Sean wins the "Stupid but Hardcore Politically-Motivated Act of the Month" award. Raaah.

In other news, I'm going on sabbatical. I won't be online or going out anywhere (except work) for a week. Partially because I'm grounded, partially because I've neglected an entire summer's worth of work that needs to get done anyway. It'll be good for me. I also need to get around to finishing my screenplay, with is about 75% completed. If you need to reach me for some dire purpose, I'm still allowed the telephone (to some extent) and it's a fellony for my parents to intercept my postage, so that's cool too.

Not that any of your will miss the Radiskull, but I thought I should tell you regardless.

Procrastination finally caught up with this Cowboy.
I guess my luck just isn't what it used to be.
Which was crappy anyway, so that's not saying much.
I'm leaving. Right. Now.

Replies: 8 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygine

i will miss the radiskull.

Said [r unit] on Saturday, August 7th

Oh my goodness, those letters from the kids are so adorable! (audience "aaaaw"s) Please email me your screenplay once you're done with it, I'm really interested in reading it! (einnaelf@yahoo.com) If you get the chance, check your EPYC mailbox as well, please. :) I should send you a letter via snailmail! Give me permission to do so through email.

Said [Annie] on Sunday, August 8th

hey, i admit, i don't drop by much, but call it ESP that i checked this today...

i'm assuming that the Kerry rally was fun for you. super. good for you. sean meaning sean svadlenak? or another sean? just wondering.

anyway, have fun on your sabbatical. or, not. heh.

later

Said [allegra] on Monday, August 9th

those cards are sooo cute, Tom! And you should see The Terminal. It's actually pretty good!

Said [Becca] on Sunday, August 15th

HOLY...

you know ive never been one to curse, and never will be thus, but i cant believe i was dumb enough not to make the connection that the person who made that comment on my poem was you!
hahahaha

there will be no 'for your information's or 'hey pal... F you's in this message, i just wanted you to know that i finally figured it out

and noting that i am apparetly blocked on aim, perhaps i will not be talking to you for a very long time

i urge you to reconsider your unconditional damnation of poetry as an art, and i hope you leave at least some room in your mind for the possibility that not all of my writings are "Poems about 'Teen Love'" and even while perhaps that one was, you may enjoy my more dark humanity-condemning poems (which i have many of), hahahaha considering that seems to be the attitude youve aquired, and believe you me, i agree with you, humans are horrible creatures a lot of the time, and theres a lot to be angry about with them

i suppose there is a possibility that we'll never meet again, but to me that would be quite a loss, when you take into account that if i had not had you, i would probably have never developed the basic social skills that kept me alive during my first four horrible years of high school, and i dont know if id even still be here

but... unfortunatly, times change, people change, opinions change, winds change, maybe its over
but i do want to thank you for the time that i had, and the gifts that you gave me, even if at the time or even now you were/are unaware of
i also want to thank you for taking the time to make that account, just to make your comment, which to me says that you more than just 'didnt care'

hope youre doing well
good luck with the new school year
and as always:

Appearance is nothing.
Inside's what you got.
Live on the renagades
for ever 'till not.

~DAn

Said [Blue Hat] on Thursday, August 19th

holy shit, that was the dan.

Said [josh] on Friday, August 20th

I am confused, so I must only reply:

NAPOLEON! Gimmie some of your tots!

Said [Radiskull] on Saturday, August 21st

XD I'm pretty new to this site but from the entries I've read, I love the way you think. A very unique and fun perspective on things.

PS - Oh yeah, and I don't get infected with st00pid when reading your posts since you use decent grammar. (Except maybe the cursing but that doesn't count... 'cause that's cursing.)

Said [Tiffany] on Saturday, August 28th