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05/06/2004: "Bowl of Oranges"


As of late, shit has been hitting the fan like no other. I got all uppity and thought I was pretty cool for posting 2 blogs in one week, and then I go a whole nine days of nothing. Case in point: I'm lame.

Let me bring you up to speed as to what's kept me so busy:

Visitiation School Play- I did tech for all 4 Vis plays we had during my Jr. High years, I was the light man. I kicked ass at my job, but was mostly just glad I got out of class to play with a bunch of switches. Anyway, a few weeks ago my sister tells me that Vis is desparate for tech people, because last year's 8th grade didn't teach this year's 8th grade how to run any of the equipment. Fuckers.

Why are they fuckers, you might ask. I'll tell you: Because they made more work for me. So now I've had to haul my ass down there every day after school for the past 2 weeks and work lights for this crap-riffic play. The new kids they've got to help us are annoying as hell, and just in a more general sense, I'm doubting that the entire ordeal will end without a violent outburst from me.

There is a plus side though: I got them to let Dixon do sound. During the golden age of Tech, Tim was on sound, I was on lights, and we did Groovy: A play about the awesomeness of the 70's. Regardless, it was good to have someone around whose head wasn't up their ass. Secondly, I've been getting service hours out the wazoo, which means I actually get to graduate. [Not that I'm terribly excited for another year of highschool, but getting held back sure would suck.] We also get to boss around the abnoxious little terds that help us out.

John Smith- I think that's his name. That's what I call him anyway. He helps me with light, and is also kind of a total spaz. He gets all uppity and shit, but he's really helpful, so I don't hold it against him.

Daschel- Operates the spot. He's all spastic too though, so he's constnatly turning the spotlight on when it isn't needed, and when it is, he uses random and unnessicary color gels... I've threatened to stab him in the neck with a pencil numerous times.

Elsey- Her real name is Kelsey. One time I accidentally called her Chelsey, and she got all pissy, so I said "fuck it. You get NO prefix on your name. Now you're just Elsey." She's really uptight like John, but with Ishmael and Ross [directors of the play] bitching her out every 20 minutes, you can't really blame the kid.

Anyway, the play is going to suck, but there will be Van Hellsing action afterward, so it all evens out. Onward with crap that's keeping me busy.

Failing Honors Allgebra II- Actually the failing was easy. It's the Not Failing that's been taking up so much time. I've lowered myself to actually staying awake through classes and doing homework assignments. Passing with any sort of low B at this point would be something of a miracle.

Looking for a Job- My parents have been really getting on my case about this. I really do plan to get a job... eventually. I just really don't want to bag groceries or work with food of any kind. They tell me the money's good, but I don't give a shit. I'd sooner be poorer than dirt with an enjoyable job than all pissy 24/7 and have lots of money.

A while ago, Lizz and I were milling around Loose Park like we always do, and we see this random guy throwing ropes into trees. He was like weighting them and acting like an Indiana-Jones-Wannabe by swirling them real fast and throwing it up into the tree. Upon closer inspection, we noticed that he had constructed a small platform, suspended by one of the ropes he got up into the tree.

As we crept closer and closer, curiostiy all buzzing and stuff, the guy waves all crazy like for us to come over. We walk over to him, not knowing at all what to expect, and he starts telling us about his swing. Swing? You mean the platform-string-deally? Yes. Turns out it's a little trampoline suspended from the tree by mountain climbing gear. He had it set up so no matter how you swung it, you couldn't hurt yourself, which comforted me as I got on it and Lizz swung me around like the psycho she is.

It was very cool, and I hope we meet Swing Man again. Anyone who goes to parks and sets up swings for his own personal enjoyment is excellent in my book.

I was watching TV a while ago and I saw a commercial for Kitchen Fresh Chicken. I laughed to myself, realizing that they'd totally ripped off the acronym for Kentucky Fried Chicken, or KFC. Come to find out, the commercial is about KFC, as in the chicken place, they just changed the the KF meant. That really weirded me out, because for a second I got freaked out that maybe it'd always been Kitchen Fresh and I was just some crazy weirdo who made up a fried chicken company.

Fortunatly, this is not the case, but I'm still a little creeped out. This is vaguely 1984-ish, changing ones motto and pretending I'd been that way since the dawn of time. Next thing you know, Pepsi will be called Coke, and there'll be no such thing as Vietnam. 2+2 will equal 5, and we'll all be willing so sacrifice our lives for the All-Knowing Donald "Big Brother" Rumsfield.

Scary thought, isn't it?

We went to the Brookside Art Fair after State Fest/Champs, to see what there was to see. We made the mistake of bringing along Kate, the worlds biggest art critic, who has something to say about everything. Kate is all HighAndMighty to art just like Ethan is all HighAndMighty to music; no wonder they get along so well. Anyway, we just browsed through most of the exhibits, skipping the jewlery & clothing because jewlery & clothing aren't art... morons. I remember one painting in particular though; It was of Thoreau being chased out of the woods by a characterized picture of Nature. This seemed appropriate for Mrs. Edmonds, who has this freakish obsession with 'Henry David'. Too bad she's not a little older, they would have gotten along well.

After I got back from the Art Fair I turned on the TV to just hang out and eat popcorn and be lazy. This was a big mistake. 5 minutes after I run out of popcorn, I'm out like a light. I wake up, the taste of popcorn curnells in my mouth all gross, and every inch of me aching. Note to self: Do not sleep on the couch.

The next day, I get home late. Turn on the TV to watch some Comedy Central Stand-Up and eat some chips. I wake up on the couch again, very, very pissed. Why I won't just go upstairs and sleep in my bed, I do not know. I figure it's good practice though, being as were I ever to be married, I'd be spending 4 out of 5 Business Nights on the couch...

Random Though: EMO children! Quit your bitching. EMO is only for people who lack the ability to improve their situation. If you can't do that, you might as well stop crying and jump off a cliff, 'cause it's not going to get any better until you put on a pair of real glasses, wash your damn sweater, and get a job/some friends.

I was searching for a lyric to a song that I couldn't remember the title of the other day... I never did find the song, but I did find [This Weird RNA Stuff]. I saw it and started to wonder maybe these people at these universities are really doing all kinds of crazy exspirements on people, and making super-humans and stuff, and it's all on the internet for people to see, but no one understands it.

I'm convinced that I've inadvertently stumbled onto one of these sites. I took the liberty of printing some of that document off, but it's 33 pages long and ink is expensive. I've got the first 5 though, and I'm going to try and break their secret code because finding out a conspiracy about university-made super-humans would be totally bitchin'. In all practicallity, I'm doubting that's ever going to happen, but having random pages full of seemingly random numbers can make for all kinds of fun. Like:

Attaching a sheet of it to your resume. They'd never know what to think.

Walking up to someone on the street and ask them to read the whole thing to you because you lost your glasses.

Pretend you're Richard Dreyfus from Close Encounters of the Third Kind run around insanely screaming: "This means something! This is important!"

Road trip to the college it came from. I checked and it's the University of Washington in St. Louis. We could totally show up there and be all "WTF?^^ Mates!"

Seriously, I feel important just holding them. I recomend everyone print of a page or two, and leave them in random places, just for the sake of confusing others.

Does anyone remember that show "The Weakest Link"? Of course you don't because it sucked major. I was just thinking about that the other day, and it's the first show I specifically recall coming into existance, being hated, and dying, all complete and stuff. Even though I despised the program, witnessing the miracle of life in the TV industry was kinda cool.

Freedom is slavery.
Conservatives are morons.
Cowboys kick total ass.

Replies: 8 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygine

one time at a picnic at loose park, anna st louis and i crept up to people with swings.
they turned out to be a jesus brigade. some guy turned out to be a meige grad and let us swing until the jesus leaders got mad because we obviously werent members of their group.

Said [r unit] on Thursday, May 6th

The woman who did 'the weakest link' and was all pissy with a stick up her ass all the time. Left the show to star in a musical, in london. That is why the show failed.

Said [Lizz] on Thursday, May 6th

oh, yeah, tim dixon

Said [josh] on Friday, May 7th

Phil mikel did the lighting at our productions at st. ann's, i think or maybe it was sound. actually i don't really remember. it might have been sean... im done.

Said [Laura] on Saturday, May 8th

I like Laura's comment. All I remember about our sound/light guy is he stole my script and it had all the songs in it!! Darn that guy!

Said [Becca] on Sunday, May 9th

hmmm...
what am i doing here?
i have so idea
gee... tom sure sounds like hes in a bad mood
maybe reading depressing poems about dan's life, on his homepage ^^, will cheer him up a little

Said [dan p_ _e_so_ ...erp?] on Wednesday, May 12th

hey we need to get ziggy stardust and the spiders from mars...the movie.

Said [r unit] on Thursday, May 13th

our light person always had a lot of spit in his mouth so when he used the walky talky your couldn' understand andything but it was really funny. i was part of the sound people boy oh boy i felt cool! and got to get out of class all the time too

Said [cousin jessica the great] on Thursday, May 20th